and at the same speed friday came, and so would saturday and eventually monday, but one should not speak of it. live for the moment. i love the moment. it is too short for anything to happen in. just dont put a lot of moments together, results could be devastating.

last night i had a meeting with myself, i had a sugguestion to stay at the airport both tonight and tomorrow nite. there was a second, and the decision was made. this morning another thought popped into my mind - what if i was to cycle to the airport with my backpack strapped on. it would be good excersize to see how feasable bikepacking really is. oh well, i will decide later on.

with the earth moving at 1796.458333km/h around it's own axis, the day has again flown by without me being able to do a proper blog of happenings in and around myself. as a matter of fact, from my view point the earth spins at 1796.458333lm/h around me, and for my own purposes only people being sensed by one of my 6 senses actually exist. this makes for a much easier life. the problem with the piture comes in when you realise that every person picked up by either of your six senses, or even more that one sense at a time, might be influenced to return a result at a later stages, when being picked up again by a sense or two. this might not make sense now, but keep it in mind. repeat it to yourself and maybe it will become clear later on.

i do feel this need a little more explaining. the point that i want to bring about, is that currently, from my point of view, in my life, you don't exist. although - i am not sure whether or not you might get re-instantiated just to be able to read this, or, whether you would just know what you read, if you were supposed to read this by the time you get re-instantiated into my world. this might have caused more confusion, if so, my apologies, but does it really matter to someone that is not really supposed to exist now? or seen from your point of view, do i really exist?

leaving you with that few ideas on the subject, and not wanting to disturb your normal sane way of thinking, if to you your way of thinking seems sane, i will continue with the normal blogging proceedings...

hmmm... i seem to be out of time... i will continue later... tomorrow

i have much to blog about - just don't feel like it today, lets see tomorrow

the pain - it is shooting to the left side of my body. this morning it was so unbearable i was unable to sit upright in my bed. after making breakfast i either had to stand or lie down to eat. i nominated lying down, there was no second, but i did not need anyone to confirm, i was the only one involved and thus the decision was made. as i was lying at the breakfast table i took another look at my rock scraped hands, realizing what an enjoyable weekend this really was. after going through the trouble of dressing myself i felt a bit better. the fact that tomorrow was yet another public holiday must have played a role. this sequence of events, like any other week day, caused me to end up at work, here, in front of my desk. i work on the second floor, meaning i had to overcome the 24 obstacles in the way. each step being a challenge by itself. then after 30minutes i had a meeting, yes, downstairs. after the meeting i was handed a carry case, filled with a laptop, 2 extra battery packs, enough cable to rig an abseil of Mt. Denali, and probably a few bricks. i ofcourse had to carry this up again, past the already conquered obstacles. i played the role of death packer this weekend, and today it shows, i love it though. there is something in having every muscle in your body hurt that i find quite fun. it makes one feel that you did something slightly above or beyond your limitations. that brings a feeling of accomplishment which in turn makes one realise that something was done that would under no circumstances be possible inside the four office walls (unless you are really sick - will leave that for another day). it in turn changes your lookout to a more relaxed view on work, having that constant lower back reminder of the relaxation and out of office experience you had the day before. another weekend much like this one will be planned in the near future, with more comfortable sleeping gear, and less car trouble. maybe even two spare tyres as one did not prove to be enough. another thanx to the noord wes oomie with his proud toyota hilux. hope his son enjoys his ps2 and thanx for the wait kid.

just as i thought that i am going to be loosing my mind if i spend more time on axapta, and really did not feel like moving back to delphi now, my boss asked me to do some work on the website. well more correctly, do the website. soon the new look iSoft will be online. things are starting to look up. another thing that sprung to mind this morning was the fact that my squawk penalty expired. i would take that exam a bit later, just waiting for boss to leave.

tomorrow is the inauguration of the new president (new?? he has been pres for almost 8 years??), but this promises for great flyby's and some military display. problems with my camera prohibits me from full enjoyment though. oh well.

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just came back from lunch, did the squawkbox exam before i left. went well, will advise on outcome, at the moment no one have even noticed it yet, would probably be marked by tomorrow. the thought of cycling to klapperkop tomorrow have crossed my mind. and yes, i am still contemplating it although not surte if i really want to rock up, meet new people and be reaking of sweat. i should use the car rather, but parking there might be an issue, especially in viewpoint road. if i take the car i can even go braai there along with the rest of the community that feels that the flyby would be more interesting than anything else at the presedential inauguration.

three traffics approachin from the seychelle region, eta is over 3hours from now. would have loved to do a bit of thinking, but i am not willing to stay that late.

i love it when a week shooshes by at the speed of purple light. when all of a sudden you wake up one morning realising that friday is here and the weekend lies ahead. work today is hurdling my performance and motivation to happiness before the 5 o clock deadline of pure bliss. i feel a lot better, motivated to blog, motivated to get home, and motivated to go camp in the middle of nothing. i expect quite a few other blokes to be in the middle of the same nothing as what i will be in, as this might be made a long weekend by the idea of tuesday being a public holiday. a day all members the southern most tip of africa under the rule of black power may sit and do nothing. this provides r & r for the whole country and seems to keep everyone except the high tax payer happy. this is caused due to the logical conclusion that most people that falls into the "sponsor our government" tax bracket makes money from the lower scum bracket of civilization. quite incidently those are the same people that does not have to do any physical labour, physical labour being anything that involves a job that has to be done by yourself. this also however exludes the money-pushers. moeny pushers are the people that interact between the needy and the blessed, in order to become one the blessed. the blessed will later on discover that in most cases heaven would only be an unreachable dream. getting back to the blessed and the moeny pushers, collectively referred to as the high tax bracket people.... these people dispise public resting days, and most of them would sugguest (unless you are helping them in the garden on a saturday) that all public holiday satruday and sundays should be banned. as their fortune (which by now is already too big for them to spend) is not grwing at the same pace on a non-working day. this seems rediculous at first, as most of the population - everyone not falling into the above mentioned catagory lives for a public day of nothingness. but given a bit thought, one would come to realise that the above mentioned category of people only tells other people what to do, and thus do not perform any work what so ever themselves. this means that a public holdiay to them seems like ever other day, apart from the fact that money is not streaming in as fast. when confronted one would find that you are often left with the excuse: "I get paid so much, because of the responsibility i carry". which in short is bullsh*t, at least when viewed from any other category's perspective. this might not makes sense now, but soon you would understand.

back at the weekend, one would wonder what the motivation is of going into a place where no development has been done, other than a steel cage put there to kepp monkeys away from human food. it is definitely not because living is cheaper there, although when going for long enough this wuld prove amazingly purely true. it could not be for comfort, as there are worse than sleeping on the ground and having a sharp piece of rock stabbing you in the back at 2 in the morning

and with a drum roll i woke up this morning celebrating thursday by turning on the other side. after pulling myself out of bed by negotiating with the rest of my body, and brain washing myself that there is one day left to the weekend, i went to take a wake-up shower. today will be a good day, i am "stuck-less" at work, able to continue, fulfill my goal as the geeky software developer i should be.

so all motivated i show up for work, and it turns out that today all the lost traffic from the last two days are heading towards FAJS, i can't seem to get anything done. i have decided that i will be forcing myself into the work flow with a dead line. if by lunch i am not statisfied with my progress, i will not eat, and thus this will become a matter of life and death. but so is atc.

i failed to mention that i discovered another item that dissapeared into the time gap this weekend. my jacket. i am starting to suspect the security guards as the people creating this gap in time. i am also starting to think that this gap in time might have caused by the gap the specific individual might have had in his wallet or even his life.

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back from lunch with a the northen section of hell in my throat caused by the peri-peri crazed lunatic in the nando's kitchen. lovely. any food will taste good after being through his hands, rather, all food will taste the same, he might as well have given me live chicken. slight headache boiling up again, but that is normal around here this time of day.

work is getting to me again. i just phoned my boss but there is no answer. i doubt if anything in this assignment i am currently doing would ever be used the way they thought. i see more and more red lights going on trying to alert me to the utter pointlessness of this complete excersize. why then should i sit here and continue this unstimulating job, should there be such a word. needless to say i am again wedged in between the desire to go home and eject out of this situation, and the knowing that this hurdle shoud be overcome rather sooner than later, and that at the moment i am just extending my torture.

the cupboard guy should show up at home anytime now. after that all problems should be fixed, and should but probably wont be happy with all as it is at home. still.... there remains an awfull lot of digging, planting, and building to be done in my garden. the fountain being the primary objective, although the gold crested cypress would probably die if i do not prioritise it soon. hmmmm... makes one think.... i won't get very far with the fountain diggin drill anyway, so lets rahter start get the tree into its still to be created hole. well then.

trying is the first step to failure

seems like we are only going to be four people for the weekend, which is good in a sense cause we would be a ble to drive down with only one car, which makes fuel less, and it also mean that we would only be risking one car parked in the middle of nowhere.

i have to get my work done today, even if i just flanch a few stuff together. i can't go on trying to reverse engineer one thing for the rest of my life. i need to see progress.

today is the lucky day that little michael would have to come and fix all the snags still to be done in my house. the appointment is for 13:30, if he is half an hour late, he will be shot on the spot, no questions asked. i do not have time for people like that, and will be doing the world a favour. i have not been in a good mood the last day or two, so bring it on. the cat that keeps on shitting in my zen garden also learnt that last night, if the angle was better i would have kicked him over the wall, but he managed to hit my garden tap. the one that broke off. it has been fixed though, but in such a pathetic cheap way that i will have the plumber come back and do it properly. if you do something, do it right from the start, otherwise you will be burried in a shallow grave next to michael.

i have had this idea for a long time now. i want little injections that would just put people out of my misery instantaniously. i have more realisticly thought about buying myself a bottle of pepperspray, for the road rage that sometimes crawl up my spine. that way if someone pisses me of on the road, i can nice and calmly walk up to him, smile, spray and walk away.


Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
This planet has – or rather had – a problem, which was this: most of the people on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
And so the problem remained; lots of the people were mean, and most of them were miserable, even the ones with digital watches.
Many were increasingly of the opinion that they’d all made a big mistake in coming down from the trees in the first place. And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.
And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.
Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terribly stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever.


there i feel better now.

through the alluminium framed window in front of me i can see a lot things, a lot of the time. but today is different. today i can also feel one of the things outside, even hear it. it is a ground campactor, compacting ground just across the road. like a man, lost in town, and unwilling to stop and ask for diections he drives up and down. i can feel the vibrations in my chair on table, i can also hear the squeeking noises the walls and window frames make. i hope this building holds. as i have learned during my time here, everything gets done the cheapest possible way. time and quality does not play a role. cracks in the walls are jut one of those things..... cracks happen. - ah! there we go, we are attempting this in the street now. great, and heading this way. i get the feeling of fastening my seatbelt and prepare for a bumpy ride.....whoooo.... this feels goooood

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back from lunch, michael showed up. shows one what happens when yuo start threatening to stop your levee payment. it is just sad that this is the kind of service one gets here. only after a month and a half, threats and lots of letters stating, restating, and eventually sabotaging the rest of complex, one might be able to get a 2 hour job done. i should have told the guy to take care of the cat as well, while he was busy fixing everything else that bothered me around the house. the best of all, he walks around, looking at the different "snags", mumbling something in the direction of ... i will sort out the guys that screwed up here. i mean hell... i don't care what yuo do to them, pretending to be in charge does not impress me, getting the job done does. so after a lot of complaining mr potato head fixed the tap, the brick, the droppers, the tiles and even got me a new stove. which made me feel good and thankful deep inside, glad that i did not clean it last nite as i wanted to.

penny came online just now, we chatted for about ten lines, then she said i should phone her, and she went offline. i am not going to phone.

if you can't motivate them, threaten them

i hate having so much stuff to do, and so little motivation. it really feels like i am getting nowwhere with the work i am busy with, and this usually makes me want to shoot people. i just want to get it over and done with, but everytime i attempt to do more research i get to a dead end. i don't even really know why this is neccessary. it feels like a waste of time.

i am getting more excited about the weekend. pity though that we'll just be away for two days, but its fine. The weather seems great... bit cold, but it is better than the scorching heat i am used to there. would have been more fun swimming though.

Saturday, 24 April 2004
Weather Sunny.
Minimum temperature 14
Maximum temperature 26
Wind light northwesterly
Sunrise 06:30
Sunset 17:47

Sunday, 25 April 2004
Weather Fine becoming partly cloudy.
Minimum temperature 14
Maximum temperature 28
Wind light northwesterly
Sunrise 06:31
Sunset 17:47

no traffic at all today, which is good cause i cn spend some time doing work...but i still feel like this morning. not able to anything.

this is going to be hard. 5 days and not even one public holiday. i have become quite used to the way things were these last few weeks. now it is back to the push rail as usual. the beginning of five endless days towards another excuse for a getaway. this is rediculous. at least i can work towards friday.

this weekend was alright.... i broke off my garden tap and it is probably still spraying water all over the place..... oh well.... i was not going to pay to get it fixed, it was done wrong from the start... now i allow it to water everyhing around me, i am not paying for the water so who cares... they can either pay for the water every month, or pay to fix the tap. i also bought the fountain i want in my garden, i guess the spraying tap was motivation. i also bought the Nemo dvd

the plumber called me this morning telling me that he would come and fix the tap....he also informed me that he would be sticking the invoice in under the door. at first i thought about grabbing a machette and waiting for him there. he already worked me up when he said he can do it for R300 today but if he has to come out on a saturday he will charge mr R500. i am not supposed to pay forthat. it was a sh*tty job that they did from the beginning. if everytihng was up to standard i would not have been living in a swamp for the whole weekend. but i let it go... let him charge me. i will just forward the invoice to the developers. another thing, until all the snags have not been fixed in and around my house, i will not pay a cent levee. they have woken the sleeping dog.

i need to go home... i am tired...

i also need to go climbing again. maybe this weekend will allow for some. i am starting to feel agitated. i need to feel i am dying again. have been looking through some photo's. the problem is just that i don't expect myself to reach anything spectacular, and thus fel like i would feel more like a failure afterwards. this has happened before. at least, it is better than not getting out at all. hope the weather holds....hmmm...let me go check

so my boss walks in and i never get to finish yesterdays blog. i was about to get into me writing my c1 exam, but this morning i received the e-mail that just confirmed it was indeed a failure. 59 / 100, one would need 70 to pass. oh well, i am only allowed to write it again on the 30th, and by then i should have finished that freakin sb exam too.

mom left for europe yesterday.

i am experiencing a lot of mixed emotions about today. i feel extactic that it is friday, and the weekend could start. but then, there is this little idiot somewhere behind my left eye reminding me that there is something this weekend that i was not looking forward to. then there's work. stuff i actually need to do that i do not want to do. and above all the feeling that if i do not find something to do, i might be waisting valuable weekend time.

spent tw hours raking my zen garden yesterday. was lekker. did a lot of cycling yesterday, along with johann and ronè, have not seen either of them in a while, so it was nice catching up a bit. went to cast my vote - as if it makes any difference in this aids infested country. i only went because the que was short, and that was my sign. long cue, then i have given it as much effort as i really felt required, and would return home. mom is leaving for europe tonight...

i am feeling slightly ill today...throat not feeling to well....that feeling that i usually get just before i get sick. i hope it blows over quickly, will take a couple of multi vitamins tonight, that usually solves the problem.

date are set for the kloof weekend in two weeks time, hey, actually less than two weeks,

alone at work. everyone is on leave. why am i here? clear skies, a bit chilly. perfect for flying. i have spent the morning studying for my controller 1 theory exam. was fun. decided that i will only be writing it on thursday. don't want to be here still after 12:00UTC. i actually feel like going home now.

had a great weekend. ended up in 20th place in the adventure race. not too bad considering we did the race with only half of the map, missing team leader, and injured team member. was fun though, i got to lead my first adventure race team, do my first bridge swing, and eat my first sheep eyes, sheep brain and plate of dried worms. was good fun.

have confirmed permits for tonquani, 24 adn 25 april. i can't wait to lie on my back in the sun, with cool water streaming pass my feet. two week to go.

"The most difficult things for a man to do are to climb a wall leaning towards you, to kiss a girl leaning away from you, and to make an after dinner speech."
- W.S. Churchill

i started the day waking up at 4:00am with a pain in my shoulder like someone has pinned my voodoo doll. i am suspecting the new neighbor's. the feeling is still there, but at least it has subsided a bit. the train is getting more faint now though - starting to suspect the neighbor's for that as well. i can see that we are not going to get along too well.

so the day before the long easter weekend has finally arrived. i did not get the exercise i needed for the weekend, but i will see how it goes. i have to remember "patch-and-solution". i used all mine.

i am stuck with these things at work - need to figure out how someone else's system works, to be able to add some integration from our stuff into theirs. at the moment i feel like i have not been getting anywhere for the last two days, except maybe boost my atc hours a bit. i don't know what to do. i have had enough. i just hope this weekends comes fast today so that i can forget about work for a while.

in celebration of the weekend, i decided to take the less traveled dirt road to work this morning. we had showers last night, and the less traveled dirt road seemed like quite an adventure. the less traveled dirt road almost caused me to not reach work this morning. it was soaked with deep mud. fenced with long wet grass, tall enough to prevent me from seeing anything else to the sides at times. but still, it was fun. i think i will be taking the less traveled dirt road again in the near future. maybe once every two weeks, just so that i don't get stuck in a routine driving to work, on the same road everyday, with the same scenery, the same traffic, and the same morning radio people.

i heap of sand looks very tempting outside my window, and i get the urge still buried deep inside me, and every other man to barge out, sprint to the lovely moist compacted heap of sand, and start building roads and digging tunnels. but then suddenly reality tucks me back violently. the "responsibility" that primary and secondary schools have so clearly tattooed in our conscience....

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...it's 10:28 now.... i still have not even worked a bit. i can't. i have to....

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i need to get out. i seriously hope this weekend will help. pin from my shoulder have been removed. i want out. i can't sit here on my ass the whole day. i feel jet lagged. like the blood in veins have decided to stop moving all together. my legs are numb, my feet feel constricted. like i can't get my toes away from each other in my shoe. it's driving me mad. slowly. i need a change of scenery. go somwhere else. i need to see something other than my view port on the world. the cold alluminium and glass window that that is built into the wall on the other side of my desk. i only see offices. i have no idea where i would like to go though. it's probably just the fact that i need to be here that makes me want to be somewhere else. it doesn't need to be long. as long as i can just get out of here, just for the day. i have also been thinking about visiting europe again. watching europeans, always good to see other people running around. it seems that most people, especially in london are always late. always in a hurry.

just received a call from an old student of mine. nicolette. was weird. i have not had contact with her for about three years now. our history started about four years ago. long story with abrupt ending. was nice. i heard she was engaged with some guy about two years ago. i asked her about it. turns out she is still engaged to the same guy, but still doesn't want to marry him. or so she said. she was always a bit on the weird side. very active with very little morals when it came to guys. i did not include myself into the last statement, as i knew this beforehand. why she phoned i would probably never know. but like i said, was nice

nice relaxing atmosphere at work today. still want out though. we are all just sitting here, fooling around, like we have no work to do at all.

almost lunch, almost enough hours to be able to write my next theory exam on atc, and then the dreaded prac.....NOT looking forward to that!!!!

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back from lunch. hmmm.... i seem in an all over better mood now..... spoke to penny, didn't think she of all people would cheer me up, but she did. she remains a bit weird, but after learning that she could cook a delicious pasta dinner, she earned a few points. hehe.

tomorrow is like friday. public holiday.

i have come to realise that IVAO is really interfering with my work. and that i have no control over myself whatsoever. i am like a pigeon heading for a glass door. i mean, yesterday afternoon this weirdo older guy from marketing walks in, my atc window is closed and i am displaying the true image of the hard working developer i should be, when all of a sudden, i hear this faint bleep comming from my desktop speakers, and i realise that indeed, someone out there has just got into his plane at jhb and needs me. so without further thought, i switch to my atc client, give him his clearences and deliver him from ground. i mean, what was i thinking?? surely the whole worker ant image dissapeared and turned into a i don't care what they pay me, i am a dead loss when it comes to productivity image. this would have really bothered me if i received a better salary, but i have always thought to deliver the service that the client pay for. it opens up a whole new world when you start seeing your boss as your client. he started it.

the train never came yesterday, but it never completely left either. i still feel like i have to restrain my brain from getting possesed by the dreaded headache though. so far so good.

planning a trip near the end of the month. still can't decide where though. i have thought that tonquani would be a good one, but i am not sure whether the people tagging along would appreciate my idea of hiking to the upper camp site. *grin* it has been decided then.

all right.....

so yesterday this headache hits me from the front like a freight train enroute to germany. i heard the sounds of it's screeching wheels since yesterday morning, just like i hear them now. round about 15:00 the impact came. i drove home, to my parents place as i felt i would die alone if i go to my place. i have a few pills, maybe a few too many, maybe a few too little, doesn't mattter, they didn't help. i sat on the couch infront of the tv, which later turned into a more horizontal position for relaxation. it was not fun. below the wet cloth i put on my forehead i could feel the outsides of my head pounding. like the sticky salyva covered head of the borg queen. after a while i started to feel a bit oozy, and it was followed by the inevitable loss of my supper. i decided that if i do not go home now i might never. so i lieft. got home, tuned the channels on the tv back in, cause for the first time in weeks i have reception again. i had three slices of toast, went to bed. died. arose from the dead this morning after having a great dream about a war in pretoria. giant skateboards. long fishing rods. a torch. and a show. i also recall something about meeting people at a b & b. hmmm... nice people. glad it's over. this morning as i regained consciencenous i felt a lot better. now, again, i am starting to hear that clicking sound, that screech, and that low frequency whistle, so true to the underground. it's comming again, but this time i am armed. i brought a packet of inza-400's along. the anti inflammatory agent. hope they will do their job.

i eventually discovered what happened to my missing pair of shoes. it might sound crazy to most of you mortals, but hear me out, and think about it before making your own narrow minded deductions, which could only lead to me having lost it after the train accident. accident? day before yesterday i was packing my socks into my cupboard, when one carefully rolled up pair fell from my hand. i never heard it hit the ground. i never felt it falling onto my feet. i have not been able to find it anywhere after an intense grid based search. what is the meaning of this. it is the exact spot where my shoes was last seen. each dissapearing a week after each other. there could only be one explanation. a cut in time. a portal to another dimension maybe? i have been too afraid to go on after it. i will see if i can gain the courage when it opens up again, next week, sunday.

had a great weekend. maybe too good. i danced again.... hmmm... what a weird experience. moving around in co-ordination with someone else. listening to loud music. getting excersize. was nice. i kinda forgot how it felt. had a great night doing atc sunday. lots of probs in the beginning. invited t along. bored her to death with the traffic being so busy. shame. i feel bad. hope you are reading this!?!?!?!?!? yesterday i had a huge fight with this one guy online. i used the other guy i dislike, that young idiot to continued the fight, and i left....hehe....smearing the two bastards off against each other. quite fun.

the two australians were up again, practicing landings. they are getting quite good at it. i like them.

friday came with with a pleasant misty morning, it all cleared up in about 40mins though.....are still some at 2000' AGL....about 5/8 SCT....neways. so what will this day bring for us....hopefully milkshake....vanilla....not too thick...hmmm...

i am feeling well today after what could rate as one of the top 100 worst nites of my life as a humanoid in this planet. i was thinking about leaving, but other planets within range have not been known to sustain life as well as earth.

hmmm....answer to question one found.....i am leaving at 10:00am...coolstuff

i typed 3 - 4 pages yesterday in the blog......lost it all

went home depressed

drove JIA, lay on my car looking at the aircraft landing on 21L

got in my car and drove back at 12:00

will blog 2moro