the day is friday, july the 30th, in the fourth year after the supposed millenium bug was to destroy earth.  time is now 15:23.  officially the best time of any week day.  what makes this one so special? it is one of only 52 fridays supplied each year.

i am under paid and under worked. seems like here we pretend to work and they pretend to pay us.  it burns more kj's trying to think of creative ways to stay occupied han actually working.  not that i would ever get caught asking my boss for loads of work cause i need a break.

EVENTUALLY sorted out the money pec owed me. it has been transferred, and i should have it withing a day or two.  there. settled. now, ask yourself this: why did this 5minute job take almost 6 months? because that is how things work in our aids infested piece of land claimed by every other tribe who had forefathers living somewhere on earth.  no one does anything extra.  i mean, even when speaking to the directors wife (white i might add) she asked me if i could phone the bank and confirm my branch code??  hello?? you have been owing me money for half a year, and still i have to do something like that.  what is wrong with your phone?  i always had to phone you!  but no, we try once, sometimes twice, then, when it seems like the least effort, we stop, and wait for the unsatified customer to phone back.  in a week or so when he realise that the situation has still not changed.

the day went by alright i guess.  better than ANY of the previous 9, cept for saturday's and sunday's - oh, and lets not disregard the ever so popular friday afternoon!

the intruding comment made by our fearless leader made me look into the zen faith.  i learned a lot about zen, zen buddism and buddism as a matter.  and came to realise that it is not that bad a faith - cept for the fat guy sitting in his underwear of course.  he is just weird.  weird guy, with a kind heart.  i also learned that zen is not as much a faith or religion as it is a way of life.  and thus, could easily be incorporated into any religion, even christianity.  although most people might flip at the mere thought, i thought of looking into it a bit deeper. 

for some odd reason, everything i have read so far, i have been realizing throughout my life, and are things that i have experimented with before, some even through a christian viewpoint.  i think that my biggest problem with most chritians are them.  the people themselves.  a guy once mentioned that christians just might be the biggest problem with spreading the gospel.  i agree completely.  another intersting fact is, that the people of the "zen movement" (although it has been around since 500BC) does not irritate the hell out of as much people at all.

any further findings would be published as i continue to delve into this mystic but not at all strange 'way of life'.

got worked up again, looking at this world through the anger colored red tint.  got asked what my pastor would say about my zen garden on my desk.  and if i knew what the origins was of this 'eastern cult'.  tell you what.  to hell with you and every single other christian 'witness' trying to excorsize a demon behind every freaken bush.  i can't help for your pathetic little spiritual realm, attacking every day from every side.  poor you.  how much 'faith' do you have if you are threatened by a damn few rocks lying in sand.  cause that is what it is, but now, the actual demon is the one you are creating out of me.  i WILL do WHATEVER i like. at least i am not spending 15 grand to stuff my wifes breasts with silicon, for my own pleasures of the flesh. funny, if it does not bother you, how come it is such a huge freaken secret.

there

phoned the excavators today.  they will come and fix the garden as soon as they can.  lady was real nice with me, and it is was much appreciated.

also got confirmation that free time will be available this afternoon.  very excited about it. promise to block out any negative thoughts for the rest of the day.

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just spoke to penny.  she is getting engaged. don't really know if i am sad though. not feeling anything actually. hmmmm... yes, wait, i am a bit sad.

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spoke to her again and now i really miss her.  argh damnit, don't know what it is with me.  will phone nadine...  maybe go for coffee...

having had one of the best weekends in my life, for no aparent reason, i feel better.  i feel a lot better.  still have to make a phone call to settle the score though.

this morning my car really started doing odd things, and i realised that the accident i had 4 months ago really did cause more trouble than i realised that day.  planned on taking it this afternoon, but seems like it would be tomorrow, in order to accomodate an old friend needing sleep.

life is getting better, or so i thought.  this morning the bank phoned me and enquired about my will.  seems they know something i don't.  the lady made an appointment with me for next week wednesday. wonder if she would be able to give me some more info on when exactly i would need a will.

finished the damn fountain ball this weekend.  the garden is near perfect now (cept for the workings of the excavators from hell).  just waiting for spring now.

really don't know why the sudden change of heart towards my curse of life.  maybe i just needed to get rid of some excessive adrenaline.  maybe it was the truely interesting person i met. and, if one day you would be reading this, thanx for a great time.  you made me realise something that i would have never thought about.  i do feel that i now have more questions than answers, but things i might be able to answer myself, in time.  i can learn so much more from you

got some good excersize on saturday morning, cycling and trailrunning.  found a good course, planning to make a few alterations to it though.  have to work on my weak points.  also, promised myself to start hanging tonight. can hardly wait.

feeling a bit ill, i wish this damn feeling would leave me.  it keeps on feeling like i am almost getting sick.  i swallowed a few pills this morning, usually makes me feel better almost immediately, but i still feel a bit off.

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i feel drawn between two fires these days.  it is about the journal. i feel that it should become more personal.  there are so many things i want to write about but just can't.  scared of someone at work discovering the site.  it is not htat far fetched, as all our visited url's gets logged automatically.  not that anyone checks it though, but just... what if someone does browse it one day.  not knowing what to do, i will keep on like this, at least for now.  at least until i can find a way to protect the contents, but still allow anonymous readers to read it.

i have thought about just removing my personal detail from the site, but it would still be as obvious as anything.  besides, most people know that i have got a blog anyway.  it could just be mine.

depressing state of mind gets entered into again thinking about the damn credit card.  i need to zero that thing soon or i am going under. 

alana's husband mailed me 'He' - did not quite expect to be mailed back, as i was not sure wether the addy's i sent to would get downloaded even.  was a pleasant surprise none the less.  just made the whole idea of her existance seem so much more real.  in the unlikely event that you are reading this, you must be thinking i am more phsycotic than anyone ever mailing you before.  go ahead, piss yourself.  there is just something, something that really captivates me about people living on other spots than this on our planet.  actually, i have always felt like i am the only person that truly exists and therefor i am more amused by the extends that the 'gods' would go to to keep me from discovering the truth.  does the us really exist. now?

it has been a while since i felt like this.  when i just want to give everyone the finger or dislocate a jaw, with a bat.  what frustrates me more is feeling like this.  and to make things worse, i took a look at my account balance this morning.  this is really getting me down.

i am sick and tired of people trying to prove things to me.  trying to make me their fans, trying to make me feel i owe them something.  fuck you!!! all of you!!  just bugger the hell off.  i am not part of your use you if i need you, but beg me for anything attitude with that hypocritic i am so much better than you and you seriously need to do something attitude.  ur fake fucking attention seekers that needs to me slaughered you bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I HATE YOU!!!!

next in line - all the pathetic loosers thinking they are doing a great job but forgetting that i am the paying client keeping them from giving 1 buck blowjobs on the corner.  and the inferior foreman acting like old aunt bettie with her little piece of power, thinking she rules the world just by being the landlady of a miniscule piece of sorry ass land.  thinking that he is the man, and he will and can do whatever he likes with no one stopping him.  wake up from your small dick syndrome asshole!!!!! watch me!

the third heir to the assasination list would be management.  90% of all managers thinking that work comes first, and that their pathetic pipe dream white elephant would hand them the world on a silver platter, even if they underpay their employees.  get what you pay for!!!!

i will be taking the day off today.  things to sort out.  don't have time for this beating around the bush chasing sand castles.

the aftermath of the battle... more probably the inbetween reload.  the sudden silence that occurs amidst all the chaos.  pauses the slaughtering and allows all to reload, and prepare for the return.  after delaing with the excavators yesterday, things began to quite down, but left me very sensitive to the least crackle of grass.  tihs helped me nudge at fury when discovering that there might be a slight problem in the sliding door gate.  the target responsible would be called to fix his screwup - with a gun pointing at his soft skull. i wont back down, and i am not tired of fighting.  intel reports little ammo left, but i am willing to gather every supply line i can lay my hands on.

reading thru alana's journal today helped me relax - a lot actually.  due to a link, i managed to read the june entry again.  for some reason i missed most of it last time.  it made me relive my entry of monday i think it was.  when i showed up after lunch to see a lot of my personal mail flagged.  co-incidence? a miss-click perhaps...... perhaps, perhaps not.  i have grown not to give a damn anymore.

sitting here, realizing that this week, maybe even the last two reminded me of a serious aggression problem i got, somewhere round 99.  why when where who cares, but my attitude changed.  small things aggrevate me, and big things ever more so.  i get to see 'red' within seconds, milliseconds even.  and funny enough, a lot of the small things is stuff i do, i cause.

it kills me hanging around here, knowing i have nothing tasked to do, knowing the general idea in my bosses head exist that something should be finished soon....what, i do not know, but surely he would show up here and assign something that i need to do, that i would not want to do.  being seriously underpaid, not overworked though.  but sometimes i wonder, would it not have been better?

irritated with myself, too much energy?  anger generated adrenalin? needing to run, cycle, get tired.  every step i hear outside makes me tense up to the mere thought that it might be the boss, bringing more work.

.....

and as the prophet said, it happened.  the mechanical sound of the first door opening cut through these paper walls like a hot knife through chicken liver.  and then as i clenched my shoulders it happened, the door opened with the all so familiar greeting. "menere menere en menere' as if that ever made sense, i just kept my mouth shut and pretended not to notice what just happened.  going with the 'ignore it and maybe it would go away' methodology.

cunningly painting the idea of me as the very hard working little developer colorfully all over the place, i pass through.  diversion created, got his mind onto something else and i get off with a thanx, just export those for me please.

with him gone i enter beta mode again and start raking my white sand.  as in in asylum waiting for death.  nothing left to do.  then.  a collegue gets back from him, and reminds me of some other tasks that need urgent attention, this breaks me from my deep sleep. rephrase, well deserved deep sleep.

i am hungry, but, alas, there are still some of yesterdays hotdog ingredients left.  will build me a few now.  hmmm.... wondering how things are at home and if anyone might get killed this afternoon.  accidents happen.

and the snowball effect that started so gracefully yesterday has indeed not stopped, or slowed down for that matter.  just got a phone call that my half my garden has been excavated in search for a telkom line or sumtin.  again, without warning or invitation they decided to show up and screw everything they see around.

yet another phone call needs to be made, and my list of "people to phone" when feeling like a digging shallow graves is growing non-stop.  where is my shovel??  and the neighbourhood cat, mr hayfever?

let us try again to get little old anette to answer her dmn phone and face her freakin pathetic jobs responisbility.... no luck, leaving now with a rusty hay fork in my hand...blood thirsty

things left undone...
 
...most of the time, most of the tasks i bring upon myself gets sorted sooner or later.  rather later usually.  but there are those few things in life, such as a car licence payment that just gets postponed and postponed.  One of the other things that fall into this catagory is the wheel balancing and alignment, and the neighbours cat.  i had the chance to finish the cat last night, but could not find a suitable body bag in time.  i decided to let it go, seeing that the neighbours are moving out end of the month.  for hayfever and sauroman's sake, i hope it goes along.
 
things left undone usually cause a lot of irritation to the happy side of me.  especially when i do plan to aquire the completed check on a task, and something happens that interferes with the me time.  i would set myself into happy mood, and move calmly about my business strolling in and out of alpha waves.  tehn suddenly, the phone rings and me time gets screwed up completely.  this aggrevates me, aggrevates me a lot.  like today, i had to go buy milk, and the phone rang.
 
bliss - the black guy sitting accross the road, inside a container, smoking a cigarette. hmmmm, relaxing in the afternoon sun.  cycling a slight decline on a well treaded foot path.  working at 9pm. not working at 9pm.  arriving at your holiday destination, holiday destination including of course the departure airport.  not beinghungry during lunch, aimlessly wandering around during office hours.  being on leave. watching klip doing his cross country travel from one side to the other of the yard.  the feeling of not having anything that you have to do.
 
getting angry - loosing my mind about silly things.  seeing what i like to call red.  wanting to convert my anger and addrenalin into something destructive.  is that not maybe where the cat came in, no, but the link helped.  it is about the people yesterday, intruding in my yard, uninvited "doing their job".  from now on you will let me know when the garden will be done, and then, only then will you be allowed into the yard.   do not show up during any other time.
 
starting to feel more relaxed, and needing to direct the god damned hatred toward the responsible person.  frustrating even more is the fact that i do not know who that is, or how to get hold of it.  finding out now. now.
 
still researching the responsible person, i remember that the electricity company still owes me money as well.  on the phone with marlize, the lady that so comfortably forgets to phone me back.  trying to soften every sentence as if i am a freaken child.  i cant see your breasts from here woman!!!! don't try that with me!!!! she'll find out immediately and phone me back (dejavu??) "when?", "i am a busy with a fax now, let's say 3 o'clock", "fine, thanx", "good bye",  "good bye".....waiting for 3 o clock..... she has 18 minutes
 
boss interferance caused her to phone me before i phoned her, and the fact that she was out of the office for a while.   she informed me that the money would be delivered to my house, cash. happy ending, and the neighbourhood cat lives another day 
  
free time - referred to as "me time" in earlty entries, but renamed to sound less feminie. this is time left during the day where there are no repetitive tasks, like working at the office, that needs to be done.  this does not occur frequently, but can happen by accident, and is normally used for recreation, or to catch up on thing left undone

who the hell cares...
 
...after a few years acting as human being living life on this planet, one come to realize that there is nothing like a private life if it involves anyone other than yourself.  and that people living around you would ultimately be responsible for whatever you do, in one way or another.  you realize that work, as we know it at the office, is utterly pointless, and does not provide anything other than the dough needed to further your existance.  "for the good of the colony" only makes sense for people sitting at the top, which, most of the time, define themselves as the major tax payers, and therefor a bigger part of the colony than those actually doing the work.  where is it that "the human race" needs to get to.  i used to tell myself that everything i do makes peoples lives easier, easier to do what?  easier to make other peoples lives easier....? does not make sense does it?  funny, this all makes sense now, and tomorrow (as if i would ever) when i read it again it will all seem like bullshit.
 
back to everyday life, and this excludes life at work, and includes only that which i do cause i want to and the stuff that makes me a happy citizen of this aids infested whore hole...
 
klip got realeased from hospital friday, turned out that he was released, and not she... the name klip will probably stuck, as it was givin to him "by accident", and those are the best.  thanx and credits to x-mom-in-law.  he seems to be so fed up with having other peoplemake decisions for him, decided to start sleeping and only wake up when better days are here again, like summer.
 
found another 2 caches this weekend, also placed mine.... did some nice cycling, but was not to energetic as iam getting a bit sick i think.  was dead tired with low sugar levels after 26k's.
 
for once the blogger people changed something for the better...or so i think, will see when i post this mail, if it does not screw up my whole style sheet.
 
should people browse through my things, i would not care.  should people learn more about me in that way, i say good, now you know me and now you would have to live with it.  should you have the courage to ask or confront, good.  good for you.  you would also learn that i do not care about much in life, including, but not limited to your conclusions. that line only started to make sense to me a few weeks ago.  i feel good, and can use it now.
 
where is my damn rem cd when i want it.  causing afternoons to feel like weekends, sitting, listening, excersizing your butt off.  makes you feel more relaxed and free than anything else on earth...heaven...i dunno, never been there.

money and small things... ...again as almost every other week, there is this one day that i open my bank statement and be shocked as to how little money i have....no wait, how little money i can still borrow from the bank.

now, where was i - got a bit side tracked.

oh well....getting a new pet! a turtle, as soon as s/he gets released from hospital... had a bit of a shafing with a dog. can't be too bright though, i mean, why did he not 'retract his landing gear'. people, and now reptiles, are not seeing the importance of three greens anymore, or four. can't think of a name for the poor guy / girl tho. if anyone could help with this it ould be much apreciated.

temps here seems to be a bit better today, or, alternatively it cold be the three layers i am wearing over my thermal underwear today. this is like hiking the drakensberg all over again. veld fires all over the place adds the true south african kaya feeling. now i just need my wallet stolen and i would feel so at home. maybe a real patriot does not only waste his time by watching a mindless game of passing a less than round ball around on green pastures, but also picks his buddies' pocket every now and then.....

did another cache find yesterday. close to the office. thinking about it i can actually see the site from here. found yet another travel bug. called frido. frido wants to go to the states badly, he is originally from austria. poor guy took a bit of a wrong turn and ended up here from mauritius. will see what i can do.

temps today vary between 0 and 13 C. this is the coldest it has ever been at home. cant wait for the winter to lift it's sickening claws of death. i can't work like this. can't type. having finger trouble like it is some disease that just keeps on getting worse. it is lunch now, and i don't even want to leave the building.

i need to start a new project. something to get me going again. i have a few problems though, such as financial restrictions. it also needs to be something physical, not like attendo. speaking of which, it eventually ended up at the end user, and as predicted they sent me a list with 11 'small things' they want differently. oh well, i have over charged the poor guys terribly, i guees one could make one or two small adjustments for them.

thinking about stuff i still need to do... quite a few comes to mind, an important one is kariens pc. i have had it for two weeks now and have not touched it. will go do that this afternoon first. tomorrow... oh tomorrow, i really badly want to go scout for hiding place for the wrightflyer cache, bud i think that repacking my garage would be a better idea... so it is then.

been wondering what ever happened to penny. sent her a text yesterday, no reply. i need to meet new people. i just get bored with people so easily. i mean, even my own blog seems to be repeating itself these days. i will try an icq search, find someone who is permanently online.

i want to cycle so badly, but with this weather you wont catch me dead on a bike.

got to work just after 5:30am this morning. did some urgent work on attendo, can't believe it, that thing just never gets done. never works fine. brb, got to pull the heter a bit closer....

...does not help much. started building my cache yesterday, somehow i keep on thinking i am mising something. apart from the exact location to hide it. i want to do something different with my caches, something that wuold have people know that it is one of mine. yesterday i decided to give all the name of an aircraft, and found it fitting to name the first one after the wrightflyer.

the sun is rising fast now, gets me down. it means that the day is about to start, along with all it's grueling office jargon, and loads of people rushing around in the streets and hallways. hallway people all carrying brown envelopes with the word 'official' on it. and street people all speaking on their cell phones. from my window i can see them, two streams on the highway of white lights on the one side and red on the other.

not too much fog around the valleys this morning. the streets are getting more trafficed up, but still this whole office park is quiet and empty. mine is the only car around, cept for the bakkie across the road, but it has always been there, and i don't think the owner really uses it, whoever he may be.

i am strangely motivated to work today....strangely yes. maybe i should put on my scalpal collection and start getting into the work drift...wait, no, it is not 7am yet.

had a brilliant weekend in durban. great weather, great airshow, great company. did get through quite a few experiences this weekend. travelling alone, getting to an airport in a city you do not know, having to organize yourself a ride to a hotel you don't know where. was incredible

played a bit of mohaa again last night. was nice. i ruled for the first few hours and then got tired and sleepy, and just could not concentrate as much anymore and started getting fragged al too quickly.

transport sorted. going to durban for the weekend to watch the virginia airshow courtesy of 'my best friend in da world'. can't remebmer when the last time was that i flew aboard a B732. planning to leave here round about 12:00.... boss has a demo at 9am, he would probably be back by then. weird, i am allowed to leave, as i came in early, and would then take lunch at 12 never to return, but still, it always feels like i am guilty of awolling.

had the weirdest thought just now. for some odd reason i started thinking of this one incident at primary school. i was in grade one, and got this radio controlled porsche from my grandma. in class we had a thing about 'your favourite toy' and i brought it to school. during break obviously all the kids wanted to play with it, and followed me in a crowd aroundthe a block to where i usually sit. i offered a friend-of-a-friend a turn to drive around with it, cause he always had these little pocket sized led games that he alowed me to play with. immediately he gave me the favourite one to play with... just for to show his extra thankfulness. hahahaha, funny how we used to think about things back then....

planning to hide my first cache next weekend, somewhere in moreleta kloof. bet ver few people knew about that as well. will also go cache hunting next sunday, with the bike of course ;)

found my first geocache!!!!! with a travel bug!!!! tb:208602. took me a while, but lunch proved to be just long enough. i tried going yesterday but was called back to the office halfway there to mail some dll for our moonshine company elevenAM. still excited about the cahce find

am getting really interested in this geocache thing. saw quite a few caches withing 50km from home. hmmmm... will have to do it with map and compass though - no gps. went to tjomma this afternoon to collect my gradeboog, she also borrowed me a gps. ;) maybe i should go look for a cache this afternoon after work...

power failure - had the day off - went to see my insurance broker. insured my mtb, was nice, now paying 179 bucks less ;) made sure all my details are changed etc. trying to limit the amount of excuses they can come up with when i have been robbed or bumped into - or more likely bump into something or someone else. in the battle between man and insurance companies, man has yet to win. - hmmm... might be going to durban

the first one died this morning...

did some work in my garden yesterday. still need some plants then the last corner sohuld be done. wonder when if ever i would get to installing the damn electron highway for the ball pump. hmmm....speaking of pumps. i attempted to start the fishtank rework. bought some cheap gravel from the nursary. put fish in a bucket, started cleaning tank. got silicon. will glue the tubes this afternoon. this morning the first fish-in-a-back is no more.

went home during lunch to pick up cellphone. 11 more died. cycled a grueling 60.3km on saturday. was great. excellent route, enjoyed the cartograhy, and scenery. 80% dirt road!!!

head ache be gone - discovered nice route to cycle tomorrow. still can't get over britney. everytime i see scrumptious buttocks i fall in love all over again. they say it takes to women to get you over the previous one.

at last a weekend all to myself. to do whatever i like to do.

good day today, phoned around, got the best price in town on my desired mtb. i have made my decision and am not regretting it. at all. no buyers remorse (yet anyway). no dollaphobia. i feel good - at would keep on feeling good at least until i get on it and start cycling this afternoon. got it with a nice cash discount, bar ends, and almost a few slicks as well. learnt something too. it is not an avalanche gt 3.0, it is a gt avalanche 3.0 - this means that avlanche does not make a bike called gt 3.0 - rather, gt, makes a bike called avalanche 3.0 - yeah sounded like an idiot.