been busy, and yes, lots happened. too busy to share though. kill me.

with just five more mondays to go before the end of the year i drag myself from bed. woken twice during the night by the thunderstorm that had now dissepated into a thin mist, it is harder than usual. got to work to hear the goo news that i will be the only one still on trining. yes it is good news. i can leave the ofice when i like and drive the way i like. also, when class is over for the day, i can leave. no waiting for the last person.

i got some good news in that we can claim back the fuel spent no driving here everyday. by wednesday i would have done 720km in my car, and another 720km in a colleagues car. a few bucks extra would be much appreciated. not sure what we get though.

the issue on my zen garden has also been resolved. so has the change in my leave. a great relieve. i stumbled onto another problem though, no deposit had been mae into my cheque account. thinking about it, they never asked me my account number. they do have my id, and i am sure they would be able to get the other info. i will phone again today, just to make sure. another day in this rainbow nation.

i still want out.

hoping that things would return back to normal from thursday i push myself on. just another two days excluding today. i don't feel too well. slight headache and the funny feeling of a loss in balance control gets to me. trying to orientate myself i look up from the screen. i feel like i want to tip over. as if on an unbalanced boat.

need to get back to the excersizes. back to getting the algorythm sorted in my head for tonights work. back to finding something to eat before all that. internet is down at the office again so i will have to an alternative way of posting this.

it has been a while and much has happened. training is still on but it has become a bit more exciting going to stuff that interests me. i did not know axapta actually had such things. the stimulation of doing something i enjoy really helps. driving here every morning is getting to me though.

things at work is getting a bit fragile. i dont know. reluctant to discuss this on here for obvious reason i remind myself what this is for. me. thinking back brings anxiety. we had a one on one meeting, i think i blogged about it, the one where we had to kind of state our commitment for the next three years.

although i can se the need for such a thing, i feel it was slightly unfair towards us as employees. being honest will not help you in a situation like that. not really having an opinion about it for the main reason that i do not know what the future holds i gave an open answer.

thinking about it now i felt that i should have rather taken the other route and lied. a colleague of mine immediately said yes, they have his commitment, but said that he would stil see what happens. i don't feel i can do that. and this is why i feel it is unfair to be put in a situation like that. the other route was to tell them no, i wont give my commitment. another colleague did that. as far as i could gather, not wanting to ask and be intrusive they kind of told that he should then rather look for other work. victimisation?

even my answer put me in a different light i think. i was again confronted about my zen garden being a garden from hell. not wantign to get into an argument and neverending debate i said that if it bothers them i would take it home, it is their business afterall. not getting to it (and a few other things i was meaning to take) it dissapeared three days later. i did not appreciate that, and it made me really negative towards work. even christianity.

no one came forward telling me that they have removed it or where it is now. it has been more than a week. it is my property. it makes me sad.

training is tedious and tiresome. i do learn something new everyday though, not sure if it is something i am really interested in. i don't know, i think i am getting the mid life thing again. it hit me when i was twenty as well. no idea why, might be the situation at work. i just dont know. it is like i suddenly realised i am not excited to go to work and feel slightly unsuccessfull in life.

i don't have enough time to blog these days. it might be better after training. who knows.

no blog today

day three started with the now regular long yawn. struggling to stay awake during the discussion of various numbering systems, accounts, payments and other jargon that does not make my heart skip a beat any more than the thought of a pastel shade of orange. a pastel shade of orange, probably the last color i would apply to anything.

walking around the campus or sitting in the canteen really haunts me. bringing back odd memories from a bygone era. the dreaded previous job. the activity that occupied most of your time before you decided you had enough and got the guts together to actually make an active attempt at something better.

much like an ex lover you remember the good and bad times. but the good times better, especially during bad times. actually bumping into an old student during a coffee break was like bumping into the ex mother in law at the supermarket. an extra blen of reality into the strangely familiar world. she is now an instructer here. and saying it with a slight proudness about it.

during lunch i got introduced to jacob. on of the danish instructors on our course. as usual, i enjoyed chatting to a foreigner, but marketing (who intorduced us) could not stop talking about work. sad, indeed. one thing i did learn from jacob was that every country has it's hang ups, it did not however convinced me to stop trying to emmigrate. it will take a lot more than that.

speaking about it, it seems like pres george bush might win the ellection. i have been folowing it as close as one can without internet access. it is good news. sad about california though, but still good news. let's hope it holds. included is a copy of my proudly us flag being flown slightly above the system tray.

will update tomorrow. power failure prevents any activity today. in the meantime, let's give president bush all the support we can for election day.

trouble with damn stiffy disk. can't blog today. will buy memory stick and blog tomorrow. this is a promise. in the mean give all your support to bush and help him win this election.

training started today. still, up to this morning, no one had an idea where it would take place. the big one showed up and informed us that the answer would be rivonia, johannesburg. close enough to still be able to attend, yet far enough to still be able to get stuck in traffic.

the pretoria johannesburg traffic is bad. probably the worst in all of sa. for some odd reason everyone living in johannesburg works in pretoria, and everyone living pretoria works in johannesburg. i have often wondered how confused the people in midrand must be, living at a point exactly inbetween. the arthur dent's of life. i have learned that you can leave any time between seven and eight in the morning and arrive at more or less the same time as someone leaving just after eight.

so, leaving just after eight (not because of my major attempt at influence but rather caused by the delay of location information) we just made it in time for the training that started at nine. and that is where i am sitting now. in studio seven, just after lunch. everything discussed thus far have been learnt on the hard way at some point during my horrifying past developing add-on modules.

the etd for today, and probably the rest of the month lies around sixteen hundred hours. lets hope we get done before hitting peak hour traffic becomes as inevitable as the last few drops running down your beige chino's, and darkness catch you at the office. a shame.